Wishing to Live
by Heartie4life
Summary: After the pain of losing Jack, Elizabeth is starting to think that life just isn't worth living. But then baby Jacklyn is born. This is story will focus mainly on Elizabeth and her trials raising a little girl without her husband. She has flashbacks of Jack. Friendship may be coming with the new Mountie. She hates him at first, but will grow to admire him. Read to find out why.
1. Introduction

Introduction

Elizabeth Thatcher was a city girl who came west in search of her dream. She fell in love with a handsome Mountie; and after five years of knowing each other, the two finally got married.

They had only been married for a few short months, much of which he was away, when Jack Thornton died in a landslide.

His poor wife was devastated. How could she possibly live without him? As all young widows, she did not eat or sleep very much for those first few weeks.

She needed to find a new reason to live. Elizabeth then finds out she is expecting Jack's child. What a joyful surprise!

She had always wished that Jack would be there to share in the excitement of having a baby of their own.

Follow along in this story to see how Elizabeth lives with the loss of her husband.

How will the baby grow up without a daddy?

Will Elizabeth ever find love again?

How will she cope with her pain?

Read "Wishing to Live" to find out.


	2. (Chapter 1) A Friendly Chat

(Chapter One)

A Friendly Chat

Abigail walked to Elizabeth's row house one morning to see how her friend was managing.

"Hello, Elizabeth. I thought maybe we could have a chat together."

Elizabeth motioned for Abigail to come in.

"Elizabeth," Abigail started after a long moment of silence. "I know what it's like, dear," she said, holding back her tears. Elizabeth sat numbly.

They used to be such good friends. They could talk about everything.

Tears spilled from Elizabeth's eyes and rolled down her cheeks. "I – I don't understand. These past few weeks have been a blur. I'm – I'm scared, Abigail."

"I know," was all that Abigail said.

The two had a long, but quiet talk. Abigail tries to get her friend to talk about her pain. It helped some, but not much. _I suppose every bit counts_ , Abigail thought to herself on her walk back to the café.


	3. (Chapter 2) Moving On

(Chapter Two)

Moving On

After many months of crying herself to sleep, Elizabeth felt herself getting through some of the pain. Of course, she could _never_ forget Jack. He would live on in her heart, and in her child.

Elizabeth was now seven months pregnant. She had two check-ups every week to make sure everything was in order. Besides, it gave her something to do. She taught the children in the one-room schoolhouse, now named "The Jack Thornton School". How thoughtful they had all been. Every afternoon, Elizabeth would take a walk to the café to have a long talk with Abigail. She supposed it helped a bit with the pain. To talk about it with a friend who understood.

* * *

One day, Elizabeth decided to stop by the mercantile to buy some more school supplies and replenish her food supply before the doctor would order her to stay in bed. The real reason was to fill in her lonely afternoon.

"That will be three dollars and two cents, please," Mr. Yost said cheerfully from behind the counter.

As Elizabeth handed him the money, he suddenly remembered. "Oh, I almost forgot. You have a letter."

"Thank you," she replied, reaching her out her hand to receive the envelope.

How good it was to receive mail. It would help to fill in some more time. She studied the envelope carefully. It was from Julie.

 _Julie!_ her heart cried. She tore open the envelope, knowing she would later regret having no mail to read. She scanned the contents thoroughly.

 _'_ _Dear Elizabeth,_

 _I've missed you terribly. I know you must be lonely without Jack – '_ the words jerked on her heart, but she bit her lip and continued reading.

 _'_ _And that is why I've decided to come for a visit. I am lonely, you are lonely. I will stay until the baby is born, if that won't inconvenience you. I'll be on the afternoon stage next Monday. I thought I would give you a full week's notice, encase the mail is slow._

 _I love you, Elizabeth. See you soon._

 _~Julie '_

* * *

 _How sweet! Julie is coming all this way to visit me. This is postmarked last Tuesday. Today is Monday! She's coming today? On the afternoon stage! It's already one o'clock. The afternoon stage comes in at one-thirty! Oh, dear! I'd better hurry home. I need to put all these things away and get ready to meet my sister! Oh, how I've missed her!_


	4. (Chapter 3) Arriving

(Chapter Three)

Arriving

The stagecoach was twelve minutes late, but when it neared that final bend, both sisters could hardly contain their excitement. It was all Elizabeth could do to keep herself from running toward the incoming stage, and all that Julie could do to keep from jumping off the slow moving vehicle and running toward the platform where she caught a glimpse of her sister's form.

The stagecoach slowly rolled to a stop and Julie bounded out. The two sisters held a long embrace.

"I've missed you _so_ much," Julie said through tear-filled eyes.

It was all Elizabeth could do to smile and nod through her tears.


	5. (Chapter 4) Baby Jackie

**A/N: Hey guys, this got pretty emotional. So please, leave a review and let me know what you think of it!**

(Chapter Four)

Baby Jackie

Elizabeth had many doctor visits and everything seemed to be in order. Baby Jacklyn was born on June 18, 1916. She weighed in at seven pounds, 4 ounces; and she was 20 inches long. Both mother and baby were doing fine. But then one day when Jackie, as they called her, was three months old, she was no longer "fine".

She had such a high fever. Although Elizabeth had no idea how much pain her baby girl was in, she did know that vomiting was not a good sign. She did realize, however, that spitting up comes with the territory. But this was not the same. She had no idea what was wrong with her Jacklyn. But when she saw the rash covering her tiny body, Elizabeth knew that something was definitely not right.

Elizabeth was very worried that she might lose her precious baby. She had lost her husband already. What would she ever do if she lost her little girl? She took Jacklyn to the doctor immediately.

Doctor Shepherd and Nurse Carter had done everything in their power for the child. They came to the conclusion that the infant had variola, a fancy name for smallpox.

Poor Jacklyn. Poor Elizabeth. Smallpox was so deadly, and there was no known cure. Elizabeth prayed every day for her little girl. After school, she rushed home to relieve Julie from watching the child. Then she would bundle the baby up and take her to the doctor's office. On some days, however, the doctor, being such a good friend, made a house call. Whatever the case, each and every day, Jacklyn would be seen by the doctor. Poor Jacklyn was not making the slightest bit of progress. Still, Elizabeth prayed. Each and every day. Even when she was teaching her class, she was silently praying for a miracle.

Every Sunday, when the town met for the morning service, a prayer was always said for the baby; and Elizabeth received many warm hugs and gentle reminders that God is always good.

Elizabeth clung onto the hope that God would heal her little girl. But one day, Jacklyn raced downhill faster than lightning could strike. The doctor and nurse fought for her life daily, but they were all losing hope. The only place they could turn was the cross.

That's when they all knew that the town needed to gather for a prayer vigil. It was a Thursday evening. The entire town was empty, but that was because they were all at the small church by the pond. Candles were lit, all was quiet. All, that is, but a small child whimpering.

The little girl was no more than two. Elizabeth's eyes filled with tears as she imagined her girl. Watching her grow, say her first words, take her first steps . . . She imagined walking her down the aisle, a beautiful young bride, her groom waiting for the preacher to pronounce them husband and wife. Her mind traveled to grandchildren. And with her husband no longer living, she would not be able to have any more children of her own.

 _Oh God, please heal her!_ her heart cried.

"Oh, dear Father in Heaven, we are gathered here today because of a small child. She is in your hands, oh God. But we pray that you would perform a miracle and spare her life. We pray that your hand of healing would be upon her, and help the rest of us not to forget that you are always in control. Give us all the continual hope that we need. Lord, thy will be done – in earth as it is in Heaven. We love you and trust you. Let us all rest easy tonight, knowing that Jacklyn is in your caring hands. In Jesus' Name, Amen."

A faint echo of 'Amen' rippled across the room.

* * *

Very few people still retained that shred of hope, but Elizabeth knew that God was good. Even if her baby girl died, she would still love God. That would mean that Jack could see her sooner.

 _No, God!_ her soul screamed. _You can't take my baby away, you just can't. I need her. I couldn't live without a piece of Jack down here._

They were all surprised when Jacklyn started her remarkable recovery. Everyone was completely taken off-guard. All, but Elizabeth. She had never completely lost hope. She supposed that because Jacklyn was half a Thatcher, she would never be a quitter.

As that thought came and left, she dwelled on another thought. Jack. Jack – he had said that to her one upon a time.

* * *

 _"_ _No, that would be admitting defeat."_

 _"_ _Oh, and Thatchers never admit defeat?"_

 _"_ _Never."_

* * *

And another time, Jack spotted Elizabeth beginning Rip to behave.

 _"_ _Rip, please," she begged over and over again._

 _"_ _Should I even ask?" he approached her._

 _She stopped and looked up, "I took him for his walk."_

 _"_ _And?" he asked, stopping across from her, glancing down at her stained skirt._

 _"_ _And, he chased a rabbit through the mud by the pond, and wouldn't come back; and – then I slipped and fell."_

 _"_ _Well, dirt becomes you," he replied, unable to hide his smile._

 _With hands on her hips, she looked at his with disgust. "This used to be my favorite skirt."_

 _Jack breathed in deeply. "I think he's worn out his welcome."_

 _"_ _No, no, no, no – no. Giving up know would be a sign of weakness, and he's only just started to respect me, right?" she asked looking down at the basset hound who looked from Elizabeth back to Jack. When Jack didn't reply, she continued with "Rome wasn't built in a day. Come on, boy," she said turning around._

 _Eventually after a few more times of calling "come on boy", Jack commanded Rip to follow Elizabeth only by a nod of his head and slight whisper._

* * *

There were many other times when Jack had told Elizabeth had she was a stubborn Thatcher. He was sure that their children would be the same, a proud Thatcher. But no, Elizabeth would always tell him. "Our children will be proud _Thorntons_." He loved hearing that.

When Jacklyn started her remarkable recovery, Elizabeth was overjoyed.

Julie stayed on with Elizabeth. She even offered to pay room and board, but Elizabeth would hear none of it. Julie insisted on buying some things to do her part. Finally Elizabeth could stand it no longer, so she gave in to her sister's pestering. Elizabeth agreed to what Julie called a "fair deal". The two sisters came to the agreement that they would alternate each week buying the groceries. They both agreed that it would work very well. Julie also volunteered to babysit while Elizabeth taught each day.

She would go on walks with the baby when she fully recovered. She would also feed her, give her naps, visit with Abigail, and cuddle and spoiler little Jackie. She always made the excuse that it was "her job as an aunt".

Julie, as a youngest child, had always wanted a baby around the house. She was terribly disappointed when her mother told her that she would not have a little sister. Now, she felt that she would be making up for lost time. She decided that a niece would be just as good as a sister.

* * *

"How is Jackie?" Abigail asked her friend over a cup of coffee one day.

"She's doing better. Every day I see an inch of progress."

"That's wonderful!" Abigail exclaimed. "How long will Julie be staying?" she inquired.

Elizabeth let out a faint sigh. "Oh, I don't know."

"What's wrong, Elizabeth? Don't you like having your sister around?"

"Oh, of course I do!" Elizabeth replied maybe a bit too hastily.

Abigail looked perplexed.

"It's just," Elizabeth went on. "I fear that if she stays for too long, she may never find her true purpose in life."

"Oh, Elizabeth," Abigail cried. "You're the most thoughtful woman I know. Julie will find her purpose in life, just like you did. Have you ever thought that maybe her true purpose is staying here in Hope Valley?"

Elizabeth's head lifted slowly as she shook her head. "No, I didn't even think of that. I will talk with Julie this evening," she said as she slowly stood to her feet. "I left Julie with the baby. She will be needing a break, so I should go relieve her. Thank you for the coffee – and the advice."

"Anytime," Abigail replied as she walked her friend to the door. The two ladies bid each other a good day, and Elizabeth set off for home as Abigail returned to her kitchen duties.


	6. (Chapter 5) A Talk with Julie

**A/N: I have recieved many reviews of readers who are unhappy because I have maded my storyline similar to When Calls the Heart Season 6. They don't like the fact that Jack is dead. But we have to accept it. It's actually very similar to real life. A perfect blissful marriage is not real. I hope _someone_ is enjoying this story. Please, leave a review. I really need one. I feel like no one wants to read what I wrote, and I just need to know that someone actually does like it. Please, let me know if you like it, or hate it like everyone else. Well, without further adieu...I present you with Chapter 5! I hope you enjoy!**

(Chapter Five)

A Talk with Julie

That night, Elizabeth found Julie sitting on the couch in the living room with a book in hand, staring at her niece who was sleeping in a small cradle nearby.

"Julie – " Elizabeth approached her sister, to begin that long talk.

"Yes?"

Elizabeth took a deep breath and then slowly explained the situation to her youngest sister.

"Julie – I know you have enjoyed being here in Hope Valley – "

"Yes, I have!" she was cut off by Julie's bubbly voice, just like the growing up years. "I've enjoyed every minute of it."

"When are you planning on leaving?" she asked nonchalantly.

"Leaving?" Julie asked, shock filling her voice. "I hadn't thought of leaving _so soon_."

"So _soon_? Julie, it's been over a year since Jackie was born."

"Oh – well, I guess time flies."

"Yes, time flies." There was silence for a moment before Elizabeth continued. "Julie, you know I have loved having you around. But – I can't do this any longer."

Julie seemed extremely hurt by the words, so Elizabeth hurried to explain.

"What I mean is – I've been unfair, Julie. I've taken advantage of you."

"Whatever do you mean?" Julie asked, concern filling her eyes with tears.

"I don't think this should go on any longer, Julie. You need to make a decision here."

"What's that?"

"You need to decide where you want to put down roots. Back in Hamilton – or here, in Hope Valley?" her voice was barely above a whisper by the end of her question.

"Oh, Elizabeth! I love Hope Valley. I love you and baby Jacklyn. I love the people here. But – I don't want to be a burden to you. If I would be of help to you, I will gladly stay. But if you don't need me, you can send me away, Elizabeth."

"Oh, Julie! I need you, more than you'll ever know. You help me so much with my little Jackie. She loves you too, you know?"

Julie's head nodded slightly.

"And you're such fun to have around. You help bring life into this house. I don't know how I would ever manage without you. But if you decide to go, I do understand, Julie."

"No – " Julie cut in. "No. I want to stay here – in Hope Valley. I want to help you, Elizabeth. And believe it or not, you have helped me more than you will ever know."

The two sisters held a long embrace. Baby Jacklyn interrupted with a squeal of delight. Both women knew that Jackie was glad to have her Auntie Jewels staying close by. Elizabeth knew that the baby would be in good hands; growing up with her aunt nearby.


	7. (Chapter 6) News of a Mountie

**A/N: I'm sorry this chapter is so short. The next one is longer! Also, I wanted to thank one reader for leaving a review. You know who you are. Thank you _so_** **much! I really needed it. And I agreed with every word! But because you were not logged in, I could not reply. I hope you are reading this. :)**

(Chapter Six)

News of a Mountie

Elizabeth overheard Bill talking to another man. All she got out of the conversation was that they would be getting a new Mountie.

 _A new Mountie!_ her heart cried. She ran from the streets where she heard the rumor. She ran through the streets, tears streaming down her cheeks. _Oh Jack!_ As she ran through the streets, crying, Rosemary Coulter called her name.

"Elizabeth? Elizabeth, what's wrong?" she asked, trying to calm her friend down enough to explain what made her react in such a way.

"Th – there's a – a new – a new mou – mountie co – coming," she managed through her sobs.

"Oh, Elizabeth," Rosemary comforted her friend. "I'm so sorry dear," she said, patting one of her friend's trembling shoulders.

* * *

A few days later, Elizabeth was on her usual walk to Abigail's café when she caught sight of a bit of red out of the corner of her eye. There he was. The new Mountie. Elizabeth fought for control. He looked her way; and she fought the tears, bit her lip, and resumed walking.


	8. (Chapter 7) Meeting the New Mountie

(Chapter Seven)

Meeting the New Mountie

Elizabeth tried to push all thoughts of the new Mountie from her mind, but there was just no use.

 _What was his name? Will I cry every time I see him? Will he be nice? I hope he's not too nice._ Thoughts raced through her mind and bumped into one another. Her thoughts were interrupted by Emily.

"Mrs. Thornton, would you help me with this question, please?"

"Oh, of course," she replied, jumping from her desk. She was not sure how long the girl had needed help, so she did not want to make the child wait any longer.

"Thanks, Mrs. Thornton."

There was a knock on the schoolhouse door.

"Here, Emily, see if you can figure out the last two on your own," she replied as she straightened her back and walked briskly to the door. There he stood in his red serge. She stood there, her feet glued to the ground, not knowing what to say.

Anna saved her by saying, "He's got a red coat."

Elizabeth didn't even know what to think.

"Just like Mountie Jack!" Opal chimed in.

The man was studying her face the entire time, and Elizabeth could take no more.

"Excuse me, children; sir," she blurted as she ran from the building.

A few minutes later, the tears ceased and a deep but soft voice spoke from behind her.

"Are you alright, ma'am?"

She spun around to face him. "I – I'm fine," Elizabeth managed through a few more tears.

"Then may I ask why you are crying?"

"I'm sorry, sir. It's the – the red surge. My – my husband . . . he was a Mountie," she said no more.

"I – I didn't know. I am sorry. I had heard of Jack Thornton's widow. I just didn't put the pieces together. I'm sorry, ma'am."

Elizabeth stood up from where she had been sitting on the grass, in a crumpled heap.

 _I must be a sight!_ she thought as she started to walk back to the schoolhouse. The man in red surge stood to his full height after being in a crouched position.

"Excuse me, ma'am. I should be going. I was just doing my rounds, so I came to say hello. I'd best be on my way to greet all the others. Good day, ma'am," he said politely.

"Good day," she responded as she opened the schoolhouse door to resume her day of teaching. There would undoubtedly be some argument to resolve. Leaving a room full of children unattended to was not the best idea. Elizabeth knew that she could not avoid the new Mountie forever. She would see him again, and she could not cry every time she did. She would have to get used to it, whether she liked it or not.

Elizabeth saw Hope Valley's new Mountie many times; only from a distance though, a fact for which she was thankful. He would always acknowledge her with a nod or smile. If she was close enough, he would say "hello" or "ma'am", tipping his head as he did so. This allowed her a full look into his deep blue eyes. In one way, Elizabeth wanted to get to know him better and learn more of him; but in another way, she could care less to know him. It was a truly funny feeling. Elizabeth wished he had never come to Hope Valley in the first place. But that was unfair; it was not his fault. She must learn to live with the pain of seeing him every day. She vowed to be nice to him.

 _I must control my emotions. I must._


End file.
